How to Stop Caring What Others Think as a Teenager
Have you ever stopped yourself from saying something, wearing something, trying something or being yourself because you were worried about what somebody else might think?
You're not unusual. Caring about what other people think is part of being human. The problem starts when their possible opinion begins making your decisions for you.
You Probably Don't Need to Stop Caring Completely
The goal is not to become somebody who does not care about anyone else's feelings or opinions.
Other people's views can sometimes be helpful. Feedback can help us learn. Advice from people we trust can help us make better decisions.
The real goal is different:
There is a big difference between listening to someone's opinion and allowing that opinion to decide who you are.
Why Do We Worry So Much About What People Think?
Teen years can involve a huge amount of comparison.
You may find yourself wondering:
- Do they like me?
- Do I look stupid?
- What if I say the wrong thing?
- What if people laugh?
- What if I don't fit in?
- What if everyone else is better than me?
Social media can make this even harder because it can feel as though you are constantly seeing other people's friendships, appearance, achievements and confidence.
But you are usually comparing your full life with the small part of someone else's life they have chosen to show you.
How many decisions would you make differently if you knew nobody was going to judge you?
Ask Yourself: Whose Opinion Actually Matters?
Not every opinion deserves equal importance.
Imagine somebody criticises something you do.
Before allowing that comment to affect how you feel about yourself, ask:
- Do I trust this person?
- Do they genuinely know me?
- Do they want the best for me?
- Would I normally ask them for advice?
- Is there anything useful I can learn from what they said?
If the answer to most of those questions is no, why should that person's opinion have so much influence over you?
7 Ways to Care Less About What Other People Think
Notice When Fear of Judgement Is Making the Decision
Before deciding not to do something, ask yourself: "Do I genuinely not want to do this, or am I worried about what people will think?"
Stop Trying to Control Other People's Thoughts
You can be kind, respectful and genuine, but you cannot control what everybody thinks about you.
Trying to do so can become exhausting.
Question the Story in Your Head
There is a difference between:
"Everyone thinks I'm awkward."
and:
"I'm worried people might think I'm awkward."
The first sounds like a fact. The second recognises that it is a worry.
Be Willing to Be Imperfect
You will sometimes say the wrong thing.
You may occasionally feel awkward.
Something may not go the way you hoped.
That is not a reason to hide. It is part of being human.
Spend More Time With People Who Let You Be Yourself
Notice how you feel around different people.
Healthy friendships should not require you to constantly perform, pretend or worry about saying the wrong thing.
Practise Small Acts of Independence
Choose something because you like it.
Give an opinion without first checking what everyone else thinks.
Make a small decision without asking several people for reassurance.
Take One Small Brave Step Anyway
You do not have to remove the fear of judgement before acting.
Sometimes confidence develops because you act while the worry is still there.
Most People Are Thinking About Themselves
Something that can be surprisingly helpful to remember is that most people are spending far less time thinking about you than you imagine.
They are thinking about:
- how they look
- whether they said the right thing
- their own friendships
- their own worries
- what other people think of them
In other words, while you may be worrying about what they think of you, they may be worrying about what you think of them.
What If Somebody Really Does Judge You?
This is important because sometimes people really will judge you.
Confidence does not mean pretending that never happens.
Somebody may not like your clothes.
Somebody may disagree with you.
Somebody may decide that you are not their type of person.
Somebody may make an unkind comment.
The question is not:
A more useful question is:
That is a much stronger form of confidence.
Try the 24-Hour Question
When you are worrying about something embarrassing, ask:
Will anybody still be thinking about this tomorrow?
Then:
Will it matter next week?
And finally:
Will it matter a year from now?
Many situations that feel enormous in the moment become surprisingly small when viewed from further away.
Your Bravory Challenge
During the next seven days, choose one small thing you would normally avoid because you are worried about what other people might think.
Keep it manageable.
Maybe:
- give your opinion
- wear something you genuinely like
- say hello first
- ask a question
- join a conversation
- try a new activity
- make a decision without asking everyone else first
Afterwards, ask yourself:
Was it as bad as I imagined?
What did I handle?
What did I learn about myself?
This is how confidence starts becoming evidence.
One Thought to Take With You
You will probably never reach a point where you completely stop caring what other people think.
And you do not need to.
The aim is to reach a point where somebody else's possible opinion is no longer powerful enough to stop you living your own life.
Be respectful.
Listen to people whose opinions genuinely matter.
Learn from useful feedback.
But do not hand everybody else the power to decide who you should be.
Sometimes the next brave step is simply being willing to be yourself.
Want to Build More Confidence?
Bravory helps teenagers and young adults understand themselves, challenge what holds them back and build confidence through practical action.
Explore the 6-Week Confidence Programme Take the Teen Confidence Scorecard
